50 Funny You’re So Ugly Jokes That Should Be Illegal

It starts with someone saying, “You’re so ugly…” and before you know it, the whole room is trying not to fall off their chairs laughing. You’re So Ugly Jokes are like the loud cousins of all jokes. They are bold, silly, and totally over-the-top.

These jokes get funnier the crazier they sound. The weirder the joke, the louder the laughs, especially when no one sees it coming.

Brutal You’re So Ugly Jokes

1. You’re so ugly that I’m going to have to stop drinking… just in case I start seeing two of you.
2. You’re so ugly… you walked past the walrus enclosure at SeaWorld, and your iPhone 16 unlocked itself.
3. You’re so ugly that when your mom gave birth to you, she got a ticket for littering.
4. You’re so ugly that when you were born, your mother said, “What a little treasure.” Your father replied, “Yeah, let’s bury it.”
5. You’re so ugly that when it comes to a group picture, they hand you the camera.
6. You are so ugly that when you looked in the mirror your reflection walked away.
7. You’re so ugly, your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
8. You’re so ugly, you scared the crap out of the toilet.
9. You’re so ugly, when you walk into a haunted house, you come out with a job application.
10. You are so ugly if they laid you on the beach, not even the tide would take you.
11. You’re so ugly, when you go to a bakery, they use you as a mold for Halloween cookies.
12. You’re so ugly she has to sneak up on a mirror.
13. You’re so ugly, when you go to a spa, they use you as a “before” picture.
14. You should need a license to be that ugly.
15. You’re so ugly, when you go to a museum, they put you in your own exhibit.
16. You’re so ugly, even Hello Kitty says goodbye.
17. You’re so ugly, when you go to an aquarium, the fish swim away.
18. You so ugly, your mama had morning sicknesses after you were born.
19. You’re so ugly, when you go to a pet store, they put you in a cage.
20. You’re so ugly, your mate won’t have to worry about birth control, your face will do just fine.

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21. You’re so ugly, when you go to the zoo, animals buy tickets to see you.
22. You’re so ugly, you could model for death threats.
23. You’re so ugly, when you go to the dentist, they make you lie face down.
24. You’re so ugly, when you were born they put tinted windows on your incubator.
25. You’re so ugly, your bl*wjob counts as an@l.
26. You’re so ugly, you make blind people scream in horror.
27. You’re so ugly, when you sit in the sand, the cats try to bury you.
28. You’re so ugly, you make the Boogeyman check his closet for you before he goes to bed.
29. You’re so ugly, your doctor is a vet.
30. You’re so ugly, when you play hide and seek, nobody even bothers to look.
31. You’re so ugly, you stuck your head out of the car window and got arrested for mooning.
32. You’re so ugly, your reflection filed for a restraining order.
33. You’re so ugly, the police sketch artists are afraid to draw you.
34. You’re so ugly, you make the Grinch look like Brad Pitt.
35. You’re so ugly, farmers use your picture as a scarecrow.

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36. You’re so ugly, when you were born, the doctor slapped himself.
37. You’re so ugly, you give Freddy Kruegger nightmares.
38. You’re so ugly, you make mirrors crack up.
39. You’re so ugly, you can’t get a date off the calendar.
40. You’re so ugly, your mom had to get drunk before she breastfed you.
41. You’re so ugly, you extort money from people by threatening to release YOUR s*x tape.
42. You’re so ugly, your pillow cries at night.
43. You’re so ugly that when you were born, the doctor asked a proctologist for a second opinion.
44. You’re so ugly, your memory foam mattress got PTSD.
45. You’re so ugly, you have to trick or treat over the phone.
46. You were so ugly as a child, you had to tie a pork chop around your neck to get the dog to play with you.
47. You’re so ugly, your portraits hang themselves.
48. You’re so ugly, you turned Medusa to stone.
49. You’re so ugly, you make onions cry.
50. You’re so ugly that when you were born, the doctor tried to put you back in.

Do you have a You’re So Ugly Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!